#365yoga: Day 111 A Little Bit of Shhhh

Apology up front here dear readers, this post again will be discussing Ganesha like yesterday’s did however no statues will be tossed in a river.  It seems like every time I have an extended period of one-on-one time with the elves a theme emerges.  During the epic snow day rally we created, lived and breathed origami.  Now as we reach the end of their Spring Break we have spent every day talking, listening to songs about or moving statues of Ganehsa.  It started after I read a story about Ganesha and the cat on the Ganesh Mall blog.  Then I was reading some books I have on the subject and we started listening to kirtan (chanting like my pal Elizabeth).  My elves became obsessed with this elephant god in the same way I am:  his story and image are magical.

One more day of Spring Break and I am ready to scream.  My world is again filled with so much noise and auditory clutter that I can barely compose my blog posts, let alone do anything else I need to do.  There are play dates (read: screaming with friends), there are battles, there is drama and there is talking.  In short there is too much noise.  My pratyahara loving self is going sort of nuts without the moments of silence.  Do not read this wrong:  I adore the elves in every way possible, I just love my quiet moments alone and require them for survival.I do not understand the concept of being unable to exist in moments of silence; how people can find this peace uncomfortable.  I crave stillness and quiet, but perhaps that is because there are so many obstacles in my life on my path to find it.  Tuesday after one of my classes a lovely student looked at me in awe when I said that my favorite way to practice yoga is without music.  “Really?” she said stunned, to which I reminded her that without music you can hear your breath and feel your body move.  The distractions of noise are just too much for me sometimes, and on my mat I love to find a space where they do not exist.

 After a battle of wills  I managed to wrangle my elves into the car where they, despite the destination of the movie theater, began an epic argument.  I reached into my bag, pulled out my iPod and started playing Elephant Power by MC Yogi, the elves’ current heavy rotation favorite.  Instantly this wall of words was broken down and I was able to drive the 20 minutes to the theater in peace.  We sang chants to Ganesha together and then had a much more mellow afternoon. Ganesha removed the obstacles that made my ears ring with drama and allowed me to find again some peace.  I felt like the swimmer that was finally able to dive into the deep end and no longer hear the sounds of the people standing next to the pool.  Deep quiet and restorative peace was present for 20 minutes today, thank heavens!

To MC Yogi I say THANKS for making my Spring break such a funkified one and for helping me share these stories with the elves.

To the other parents out there, the MC’s of their own groove crews I send a little bit of shhh and some Om gam ganapataye namaha!  

#365yoga: Day 110 Crazy

You ever do something and then think to yourself, “that was totally nuts and maybe I should keep it a secret?”  Well I had one of those moments today, but thankfully I have my blog to spill the beans to you my dear readers.  I am looking at this post as a moment of satya and a way of reminding us all to listen to what is “best” for yourself rather than worrying what others might say.

I received this beautiful Ganehsa statue from a dear friend.  However several months after I got it,  I noticed that the end of the trunk was broken off and was missing.  Now Ganesha’s trunk symbolizes viveka (discrimination) and often is thought to be of symbol of OM.  My Ganehsa had a broken OM and that bothered me EVERY time I looked at it.  I kept wondering if there was some bad juju that was connected to a damaged Ganesha statue, and this thought would not go away from my festering brain.

Today, I found several sources on-line saying that it was bad luck to keep a broken Ganesha in your house and that you needed to get rid of it in a respectful way.  All sites said to wrap the statue in red cloth and release it (wishing it good luck on its journey) in a river or body of water. A hour later  I grabbed that statue, wrapped it in a red piece of cloth along with some rice and chocolate for the journey and dropped it in a river by my house.  The minute I let go I felt a mixture of relief (whew bad juju vamoosing) and insanity (did I really just drive to do this??).

Whether or not I just lost a cool statue or cleared my house of some bad luck omen I was listening at that moment to what I felt I needed to do.  Practicing yoga in your own way is really no different.  You need to pay attention to what works for you (what feels good in your body, your mind and your spirit) and make that part of your yoga whether someone else thinks it is poppy cock or not.

Several of my students come to my classes and those of another teacher.  Both of us approach the mat from a place of safety and spirit, but we teach certain poses differently.  The cues, the alignment and the sequencing might be completely at odds, but our intentions are really the same. My students who study with both of us understandably can be confused as to which “way” is correct.  So I tell them to try everything they are offered and find the place that is right whether it fits with what either of us told them or not. Their practice, and all of ours, is to let go of the need to find the perfect way to do a pose and instead find a way to do the poses that are perfect for them.

In reality this message is no different whether you are talking yoga or tossing a Ganesha statue into a river.  Both require you to look at what will make you feel at home, at ease and in a space where you are you.  No practice or moment is perfection for everyone, but as yogis it is our job to find the path to the one that is right for us.

So sitting now writing with my satya and my story, I know that what I did in that moment was perfect for me.  Watching that Ganesha packaged respectfully with sweets and blessings, floating along the river in his red wrapping was the right thing for me to do.

If listening to my truth makes me crazy, then crazy I am.

p.s. If you know whether or not this is true (bad luck and damaged statues) let me know…

#365yoga: Day 109 Connected

I have been thinking all day about what it is that connects people through yoga. My new personal yoga page is up and running and while it is still in the skeleton/development stage I am getting lots of input.  I asked some fellow yoga teachers about it (what it needed, what was missing, etc) and I got amazing suggestions.  People showed me their passion for their practice and for what I was doing.  I was stunned by and thankful for the folks whom I had never met and how much time they took to let me know what they thought.

Your practice is not limited by location but by intention. – Judith Hansen Lasater

Yoga connects across the world, the internet and across the room when you are practicing with a group.  My students form this community with each other, my fellow tweeters are a tribe and yoga teachers speak each other’s language.  We are all intertwined by this magical practice.  Our intentions are to grow and breathe, to feel space and openness and to just exist in our bodies.  In sharing this intention, even if it is slightly different for each person, we have a connection that is like family.

My youngest elf went to a birthday party today and those girls all became buddies within a few moments.  Most did not know each other, and the few that did met new friends.  They were connected through their love of sparkles and princesses and cake.  Their intentions to have the best time ever removed all barriers to the new faces and it was like they had always been friends.

I feel the same way about the yogis I have met since developing my personal practice and becoming a teacher.  Some are here with me at studios and gyms, some are in Europe and Australia, some are in the cyber sangha, most I have never met in real life.  But I feel connected to them all and it is our yoga that links us.  

 So the next time you feel that pause in your practice, set your intention to connect with the yogis around you, on the next mat or the next town.  Breathe with them and share the yoga.  Be connected and be yoga. 

#365yoga: Day 108 10 minutes

Guess what?  I figured out how to survive my elves’ spring break and my need to have some yoga even when they are around 24/7.  The answer to my quandary (and for the very same experienced by the rest of the parents/yogis afflicted by this particular syndrome during this week):  10 minutes.  That’s right, all you need to find is a free 10 minutes every day and you can bust a few asanas, breathe in and out and find your yoga.

For the longest time I really thought a yoga class really was not all that unless it was over an hour, heated and made me feel as if I had been bended like a pretzel. I needed to sweat, to go deep and to try something new.  Correction, I felt like I needed to rock something new.  Any class that was less than one hour and 15 minutes was ridiculously short (I mean really how could you get through an entire yoga practice in only 60 minutes). I thought that a  practice where I was not standing and balancing on at least half of my body was wimpy and made me twitchy. I was in a phrase a yoga snob.

Then I started teaching yoga and nearly all my classes ended up being only one hour-long.  Somehow I was forced to design a practice for my students that was quality rather than quantity without going over even a minute.  I never wanted my students to feel cheated, yet I had lost a whole 15 minutes. I owed it to the yogis in the room to bring it, so I got the hang of how to make their practices feel complete in only 6o minutes.  In doing so I learned a very valuable lesson about yoga, that it cannot be defined by the amount of time you practice.

Jenn Pesce, a Twitter pal of mine clued me into the beauty of a 10 minute practice with a great blog post.  I have taken her advice to heart and set aside a mere 10 minutes a day to practice.  If I can find space for more I extend my time on the mat (or wherever), but I remain satisfied with only 10 minutes.  My yoga practice is not characterized by certain asanas, or sequences or by the number of breaths by which I stay in a pose.  Nor is it defined by the length of the time I do it.

On this auspicious day, 108 glorious days into 2011, all I need for my yoga is 10 minutes.  Today I used it to kick my feet up in the air, resting my legs on our barbecue grill while listening to the elves make mud pies in the yard.  I closed my eyes, breathed and for 10 moments I lived my yoga.

So I ask: can you commit to finding 10 minutes a day to stick your feet up in the air and breathe in and out like you just don’t care?

#365yoga: Day 107 One

Yoga literally means to “yoke” or to create union between things. I am finding as I progress along this yogic journey of daily reflection and practice that the number of things that are bridged by yoga are expanding. At first I was focusing on the connection between breath and movement, stillness and flow and quiet and sound when I physically practiced my yoga. Now I realize that my yoga exists more often in the ordinary daily moments than when I am finding it while on my mat.

My movement today was walking throughout the woods in my backyard to see the expanded waterfall and creek, to look at the green skunk cabbage and to leap from stone to stone with my eldest elf. I found stillness listening to the water flowing in the quiet and hearing a hawk being taunted by a crow. I flowed as I adapted to the needs of parents, elves, my husband and strangers throughout the day. I inhaled when the elves went to bed and exhaled slowly after realizing that we had missed not one, but three major car accidents by mere minutes. I connected all these moments in my body, breath and mind. I was not on my mat, but I was doing yoga.

I found my asana when I pressed into my big toe ball mounts during the 15 minutes we stood waiting for the UConn Husky celebration parade to start, and when I busted out a version of Setu Bandha Sarvangasana on our rock bridge. The creek was rushing underneath me, teaming with a night full of rain drops. The water flowed as I did from one leg lifted to the other, linking my breath with the sound of the current.

The more I practice yoga the more I realize that everything is yoga. It is the one thing that connects all my actions, thoughts and moments throughout the day. It is the bridge between them and the union between my life and everything else.

There are so many rapid-filled rivers in our life paths. We have to be ready to face their challenges and find the way to traverse their waters. My secret to share with you today dear readers is this one: find the yoga and you will locate the bridge that allows you to cross the currents below you.

Yoga is the one bridge.

#365yoga: Day 106 Anticipation

My folks are here visiting and are on deck to fly out tomorrow.  The elves have been having the time of their lives with their grandparents.  My youngest had them come to her K class to read yesterday and everyone in the school knew immediately who they where as she had talked about how they were coming to visit.  The anticipation she had for them to be here was so infectious, and I am so happy the trip was fun for all.

I think so much about how we create stories about things we wish to come in the future whether it is the next asana in a yoga practice or the next training we plan to do.  We can build each moment or event up in our heads so that when the time comes for them to happen we are disappointed.  We forget that we are actually living in what we counting the moments to get to, and some how lose sight of the joy it can bring.

The elves have started a week off from school which means that I am probably going to be taking a break in the regular daily yoga practice I have when they are gone.  My anticipation of this change is not positive and rather than counting the moments for it to come (and celebrating their break) I am dreading the 24/7-ness of parenthood.  Today I caught myself in these doldrums and realized the pattern I was entering into:  feeling annoyed that my time was going to be compromised.   When was I going to get to do my yoga, my meditation and my solitude?  Cue the bitter parental unit and the nagging question of “who really thinks Spring Break is a good idea?”

 But before I went too deep into the abyss of missing what I was not going to have this week, I realized that Spring Break might actually be a gift.  I could spend time with the elves in a fashion I have not been able to do for months: we could build our raised beds, see our friends and have fun!  Sure, my yoga will be taking a back seat, but my life will not.

The daffodils we will put in the ground have tiny buds ready to explode into yellow smiles.  The ground is starting to green and I saw some wild magnolia flowers about to open and shine.  It’s spring, it’s Spring Break and I am feeling the anticipation of all the fun to come.

Sometimes we look ahead on our yoga mat to what asana the teacher will give us, sometimes we predict it and sometimes we are wrong.  Perhaps we are disappointed that our favorites were not taught or maybe happy that they were.  Either way we learn to let go of the need to control these decisions and flow with what comes.  I am working on doing that in my life off the mat as well and often still do not do it with grace.

This coming week will be an example of this practice in action, but hopefully I will greet it with a sunny face like my daffodils.

#365yoga: Day 105 With a Little Help From My Friends

It is a milestone day for me.  No, I did not hold Vrschikasana for 20 breaths in the middle of the room, no it is not my birthday (but it is Sarah’s so go send her love), nor did I finally figure out how to make sourdough bread.  What did happen, thanks to you dear readers, is that I have reached 20,000 views of my blog.  My little, musing, mom of elves, teacher and yogadork, yoga and music blog has had 20 thousand views!  How is this magical truth possible?

My friends and supporters are the path to this milestone, they have led me here with their openness and their words.  I have been inspired by the people I teach and the ones who teach me, who by the way are often one in the same.  Some how I have been able to write for 105 days and find people to actually see what I am saying.  I am gobsmacked, awestruck and beyond honored.

Yesterday I came home from teaching to find a ginormous box at my garage.  Inside were two beautiful paisley bolsters made with magic and love by an incredible friend of mine, Angela from Inner Space Yoga.  I had purchased one, a treat for myself for a year of teaching yoga, and one to give away to a reader in February.  But both of these bolsters were for ME, the second a gift from my wonderful friend.  How perfectly poignant that I was sent a tool of support from someone who provides me with such a gift just in being herself!  How poetic that I am spending my free time blogging about the support I am getting from my readers moments after being held up in Matseyasana by a beautiful bolster.

No one, not a teacher nor a student, not a blogger nor a reader lives in a vacuum without others around them.  Ever act we make, every asana we express and every word we read or write is supported by someone outside ourselves.  There are moments where we stop and think : ” I just wish I could have a few breaths alone.” but even then we are gifted that space by another.  Support whether by a homemade bolster or the acknowledgement that what another does is valid is one of our greatest offerings to the other people in our lives.  It is so essential that we are aware of it, daily even hourly.

So here I go:  thank you all for making my blog a success.  Thank you for reading, commenting, sharing and putting up with musings.  Thank you to my students for your lessons and inspirations.  Thank you to my teachers for your guidance and humanity.  Thank you to my friends (some are here to the right and some in my “Favorite Yoga Sites” page), and those that are not well you KNOW who you are.  Thank you to the elves for your pictures and your awesomesauce and my husband for his immense patience and love.

I DO get by with a little help from my friends and believe me I know that I could not do it without you!

#365yoga: Day 104 Break on Through

Today I said something while I was teaching that I remember hearing when I first started being serious about practicing yoga:  “your hips hold your stories.”  The moment the words came out of my mouth I gasped slightly inside because I was reminded of how that phrase meant NOTHING to me way back when I heard it first.  I gave myself a little mental finger wag and then proceeded to lead my students into Eka Pada Rajakapotasana for about ten breaths.  I watched as some students easily settled into what was probably a favorite pose for them while others wiggled/adjusted and hoped I would say “come out” as soon as possible.

I find myself as a mom saying things to the elves that I detested hearing as a kid but that now seem perfectly appropriate.  The “hips hold your stories” phrase created a similar moment for me.  When I was back then a student struggling to find some ease in a pose that challenged me,  my teacher’s story comment dropped like a stone and grated on the tiny bit of my sanity that was keeping me there.  I did not want to read the stories my hips held and I most certainly did not want to be in Pigeon pose for one second longer.  Was it the stories that were making me uncomfortable or my hips or perhaps both of these things?  As time went on and my ease with Pigeon grew stronger I learned to like this asana.  I finally understood what my teachers had been saying and got that my body had an exterior of emotions that kept me from letting go into my poses.

I like to think the emotional “stories” that keep us from letting go in poses as Magic Shell covering of our bodies.  You know Magic Shell, right?  It’s that chocolate sauce that forms a crust you have break through to get to the ice cream underneath it. A gentle tap anywhere on the Magic Shell will send cracks throughout it, and then little tiny chunks will easily break apart.  With yoga, and sometimes with Pigeon pose, we can move just a little bit of the emotion or issue that creates the Magic Shell of resistance in our body.  We can create a few cracks and openings and then dive deeper into the sweet soft goodness that is below the surface.

This Magic Shell of stories was what I was referring to today in my class, and it is what I found released during my 200H teacher training and in many yoga moments since it. I realized that my crunchy exterior was not so tough once I was willing to give it a gentle tap.

Maybe you need Pigeon pose or maybe it is just coming to your mat in the first place that brings the spoon to the chocolately shell of your inner ice cream scoop.  Everyone has and needs a different method for creating these openings. Next time you find the resistance in the poses that you dread, remember to breathe through it and that you are working to create some tiny cracks in your shell.

Once you find the pose or practice that opens up that smooth sweetness under your own personal Magic Shell of stories, I promise you will be thankful you broke on through to the other side.

#365yoga: Day 103 Lean on Me

Today I subbed a class for one of the most popular teachers at our studio.  She has a regular crowd that attends her 1:00 class (in fact I’m usually there) and so having to sub for her was frankly, kind of daunting.  Fewer students came than usual, some of the regulars were not there but i still had a lovely group of yogis to teach. The experience reminded me of how we get so attached to the language, style and approach of our teachers and how in a way they become a big part of our yoga practice.  We lean on them to guide us, to provide familiarity and know our ins and outs so that we can get our yoga on in an environment that feels like home.

Trust me I get it.  I have certain teachers that I really dig and if I see on the website that there is a sub filling in for them I have to mentally convince myself to still go to class.  I like to know what I am going to get when I walk into a room because let’s face it, time is precious for all of us.  Truth be told, and don’t be hatin’ on me for this, I am often disappointed in the person subbing for my favorite teachers.  I rarely get to go to classes so that when I do I want those to be fantastic.  But hell, that is a lot of pressure to be putting on any yoga teacher, let alone a sub.

Having said all of that, and admitting my weakness for needing my regular routine to not be messed with, I am going to admit something here now to you dear readers:  I usually learn more when there is a sub.  WOW!  Did I just say that out loud on this blog?  You bet I did because it is true:  teachers that sub present yoga with an approach that is fresh, new and different to what I am used to practicing.  In some classes what I learn is what I do not like (i.e. Balasana every five seconds, extensive knee-down poses) but mostly I learn how to enter, exit, or sequence my poses in a fresh way.  I am forced to pay attention to my mat, my mind does not wander to what I will post on my blog and I am more present in my practice.  Trying new teachers is so important!

There is this dead tree in the woods behind our yard that is remaining diagonally upright (right in the middle of this pic) only because it is supported by the branches of another tree.  That darn dead tree needs to fall and become a home for mushrooms and mice; it is just biding its time clinging to the evergreen for dear life.  In the same way this tree refuses to move to the next stage in its existence, many students refuse to be open to trying new teachers.  They become stuck in the physical patterns of their bodies they develop from taking the same teacher all the time.  They become complacent and approach their mat from a stand point of routine rather than of excitement.  They avoid the different and what comes with it.

I get it, for all of you who will fill my comment thread with the “we love our teacher” replies, I too dig my regular teachers.  They rule and KNOW me which is so helpful.  I also know that there are things I see as a sub, these patterns we develop through this routine of familiarity and the disdain when our routine is altered.  The students I taught today were lovely and supportive and tried every thing I offered with total faith in me.  I had taught all of them before, but still they were expecting someone else.

I felt lucky they were willing to let me teach them, that they did not walk out or scoff when I said “Dolphin” for the second time.  I let them come to the ground and move on to the next stage in their practice, rather than keeping them leaning on the teacher for whom I was covering.

I wish there was a way to walk out into the woods to relieve that poor dead tree from its existence in purgatory.  But while I do not have the strength to do that, I can help students see that having a new teacher occasionally is a gift.

I hope my regular students know they can lean on me when they need/want to do it. In doing so they will gain the confidence in their practice to enjoy  the tokens of wisdom and newness from a sub that I could not offer.

If they support him/her like the students did today, then I will know that I am doing my job.

#365yoga: Day 102 Strawberry Swing

One of my favorite things about yoga is that every practice, class, asana is different every day.  Each teacher brings in their own energy and space, and each student comes to the mat from a new perspective daily.  The swinging up and down of our yoga makes it always fresh and challenging.

Today I took a class where the teacher uses the same sequence (and language) every time she teaches.  Yet despite the fact that I knew what was coming next, my body was in a totally different place than it was the last time I was there so it felt new.  My Vasisthasana was shaky when it is normally strong and my Navasana was strong when it normally is shaky. My yoga classes will go from empty to packed to empty and back to packed.  Each day on my mat in practice or as a teacher what I discover is a beginning and at the same time a return to what I know.

Yoga helps me modulate the ups and downs and enjoy when the swing is just hanging still.  Sure rocking shazam asanas is exhilarating, but so is sitting quietly folded over in Balasana. The thrill may be different, but the lasting effect similar: a joy in the ease of what I am doing.

My elves have reached that stage where swinging at the same speed and position means you are “getting married.”  The moments they swing together at the same pace are filled with giggles and sun.  Slowly of course, the two swings move apart and then each one is going at its own pace of up and down flow.  Yoga is just like these swings: some days you are up and others you are more mellow and moving downward into stillness. If you are lucky, some days you can marry the two and find that happy medium between shazam and quiet.

That, dear readers, is the sweet spot:  the strawberry swing in the backyard of your practice.

If you look out the window you’ll find me there today, come play!