#365yoga: Day 105 With a Little Help From My Friends

It is a milestone day for me.  No, I did not hold Vrschikasana for 20 breaths in the middle of the room, no it is not my birthday (but it is Sarah’s so go send her love), nor did I finally figure out how to make sourdough bread.  What did happen, thanks to you dear readers, is that I have reached 20,000 views of my blog.  My little, musing, mom of elves, teacher and yogadork, yoga and music blog has had 20 thousand views!  How is this magical truth possible?

My friends and supporters are the path to this milestone, they have led me here with their openness and their words.  I have been inspired by the people I teach and the ones who teach me, who by the way are often one in the same.  Some how I have been able to write for 105 days and find people to actually see what I am saying.  I am gobsmacked, awestruck and beyond honored.

Yesterday I came home from teaching to find a ginormous box at my garage.  Inside were two beautiful paisley bolsters made with magic and love by an incredible friend of mine, Angela from Inner Space Yoga.  I had purchased one, a treat for myself for a year of teaching yoga, and one to give away to a reader in February.  But both of these bolsters were for ME, the second a gift from my wonderful friend.  How perfectly poignant that I was sent a tool of support from someone who provides me with such a gift just in being herself!  How poetic that I am spending my free time blogging about the support I am getting from my readers moments after being held up in Matseyasana by a beautiful bolster.

No one, not a teacher nor a student, not a blogger nor a reader lives in a vacuum without others around them.  Ever act we make, every asana we express and every word we read or write is supported by someone outside ourselves.  There are moments where we stop and think : ” I just wish I could have a few breaths alone.” but even then we are gifted that space by another.  Support whether by a homemade bolster or the acknowledgement that what another does is valid is one of our greatest offerings to the other people in our lives.  It is so essential that we are aware of it, daily even hourly.

So here I go:  thank you all for making my blog a success.  Thank you for reading, commenting, sharing and putting up with musings.  Thank you to my students for your lessons and inspirations.  Thank you to my teachers for your guidance and humanity.  Thank you to my friends (some are here to the right and some in my “Favorite Yoga Sites” page), and those that are not well you KNOW who you are.  Thank you to the elves for your pictures and your awesomesauce and my husband for his immense patience and love.

I DO get by with a little help from my friends and believe me I know that I could not do it without you!

#365yoga: Day 104 Break on Through

Today I said something while I was teaching that I remember hearing when I first started being serious about practicing yoga:  “your hips hold your stories.”  The moment the words came out of my mouth I gasped slightly inside because I was reminded of how that phrase meant NOTHING to me way back when I heard it first.  I gave myself a little mental finger wag and then proceeded to lead my students into Eka Pada Rajakapotasana for about ten breaths.  I watched as some students easily settled into what was probably a favorite pose for them while others wiggled/adjusted and hoped I would say “come out” as soon as possible.

I find myself as a mom saying things to the elves that I detested hearing as a kid but that now seem perfectly appropriate.  The “hips hold your stories” phrase created a similar moment for me.  When I was back then a student struggling to find some ease in a pose that challenged me,  my teacher’s story comment dropped like a stone and grated on the tiny bit of my sanity that was keeping me there.  I did not want to read the stories my hips held and I most certainly did not want to be in Pigeon pose for one second longer.  Was it the stories that were making me uncomfortable or my hips or perhaps both of these things?  As time went on and my ease with Pigeon grew stronger I learned to like this asana.  I finally understood what my teachers had been saying and got that my body had an exterior of emotions that kept me from letting go into my poses.

I like to think the emotional “stories” that keep us from letting go in poses as Magic Shell covering of our bodies.  You know Magic Shell, right?  It’s that chocolate sauce that forms a crust you have break through to get to the ice cream underneath it. A gentle tap anywhere on the Magic Shell will send cracks throughout it, and then little tiny chunks will easily break apart.  With yoga, and sometimes with Pigeon pose, we can move just a little bit of the emotion or issue that creates the Magic Shell of resistance in our body.  We can create a few cracks and openings and then dive deeper into the sweet soft goodness that is below the surface.

This Magic Shell of stories was what I was referring to today in my class, and it is what I found released during my 200H teacher training and in many yoga moments since it. I realized that my crunchy exterior was not so tough once I was willing to give it a gentle tap.

Maybe you need Pigeon pose or maybe it is just coming to your mat in the first place that brings the spoon to the chocolately shell of your inner ice cream scoop.  Everyone has and needs a different method for creating these openings. Next time you find the resistance in the poses that you dread, remember to breathe through it and that you are working to create some tiny cracks in your shell.

Once you find the pose or practice that opens up that smooth sweetness under your own personal Magic Shell of stories, I promise you will be thankful you broke on through to the other side.

#365yoga: Day 103 Lean on Me

Today I subbed a class for one of the most popular teachers at our studio.  She has a regular crowd that attends her 1:00 class (in fact I’m usually there) and so having to sub for her was frankly, kind of daunting.  Fewer students came than usual, some of the regulars were not there but i still had a lovely group of yogis to teach. The experience reminded me of how we get so attached to the language, style and approach of our teachers and how in a way they become a big part of our yoga practice.  We lean on them to guide us, to provide familiarity and know our ins and outs so that we can get our yoga on in an environment that feels like home.

Trust me I get it.  I have certain teachers that I really dig and if I see on the website that there is a sub filling in for them I have to mentally convince myself to still go to class.  I like to know what I am going to get when I walk into a room because let’s face it, time is precious for all of us.  Truth be told, and don’t be hatin’ on me for this, I am often disappointed in the person subbing for my favorite teachers.  I rarely get to go to classes so that when I do I want those to be fantastic.  But hell, that is a lot of pressure to be putting on any yoga teacher, let alone a sub.

Having said all of that, and admitting my weakness for needing my regular routine to not be messed with, I am going to admit something here now to you dear readers:  I usually learn more when there is a sub.  WOW!  Did I just say that out loud on this blog?  You bet I did because it is true:  teachers that sub present yoga with an approach that is fresh, new and different to what I am used to practicing.  In some classes what I learn is what I do not like (i.e. Balasana every five seconds, extensive knee-down poses) but mostly I learn how to enter, exit, or sequence my poses in a fresh way.  I am forced to pay attention to my mat, my mind does not wander to what I will post on my blog and I am more present in my practice.  Trying new teachers is so important!

There is this dead tree in the woods behind our yard that is remaining diagonally upright (right in the middle of this pic) only because it is supported by the branches of another tree.  That darn dead tree needs to fall and become a home for mushrooms and mice; it is just biding its time clinging to the evergreen for dear life.  In the same way this tree refuses to move to the next stage in its existence, many students refuse to be open to trying new teachers.  They become stuck in the physical patterns of their bodies they develop from taking the same teacher all the time.  They become complacent and approach their mat from a stand point of routine rather than of excitement.  They avoid the different and what comes with it.

I get it, for all of you who will fill my comment thread with the “we love our teacher” replies, I too dig my regular teachers.  They rule and KNOW me which is so helpful.  I also know that there are things I see as a sub, these patterns we develop through this routine of familiarity and the disdain when our routine is altered.  The students I taught today were lovely and supportive and tried every thing I offered with total faith in me.  I had taught all of them before, but still they were expecting someone else.

I felt lucky they were willing to let me teach them, that they did not walk out or scoff when I said “Dolphin” for the second time.  I let them come to the ground and move on to the next stage in their practice, rather than keeping them leaning on the teacher for whom I was covering.

I wish there was a way to walk out into the woods to relieve that poor dead tree from its existence in purgatory.  But while I do not have the strength to do that, I can help students see that having a new teacher occasionally is a gift.

I hope my regular students know they can lean on me when they need/want to do it. In doing so they will gain the confidence in their practice to enjoy  the tokens of wisdom and newness from a sub that I could not offer.

If they support him/her like the students did today, then I will know that I am doing my job.

#365yoga: Day 102 Strawberry Swing

One of my favorite things about yoga is that every practice, class, asana is different every day.  Each teacher brings in their own energy and space, and each student comes to the mat from a new perspective daily.  The swinging up and down of our yoga makes it always fresh and challenging.

Today I took a class where the teacher uses the same sequence (and language) every time she teaches.  Yet despite the fact that I knew what was coming next, my body was in a totally different place than it was the last time I was there so it felt new.  My Vasisthasana was shaky when it is normally strong and my Navasana was strong when it normally is shaky. My yoga classes will go from empty to packed to empty and back to packed.  Each day on my mat in practice or as a teacher what I discover is a beginning and at the same time a return to what I know.

Yoga helps me modulate the ups and downs and enjoy when the swing is just hanging still.  Sure rocking shazam asanas is exhilarating, but so is sitting quietly folded over in Balasana. The thrill may be different, but the lasting effect similar: a joy in the ease of what I am doing.

My elves have reached that stage where swinging at the same speed and position means you are “getting married.”  The moments they swing together at the same pace are filled with giggles and sun.  Slowly of course, the two swings move apart and then each one is going at its own pace of up and down flow.  Yoga is just like these swings: some days you are up and others you are more mellow and moving downward into stillness. If you are lucky, some days you can marry the two and find that happy medium between shazam and quiet.

That, dear readers, is the sweet spot:  the strawberry swing in the backyard of your practice.

If you look out the window you’ll find me there today, come play!

#365yoga: Day 101 Electric Feel

I am positively buzzing today because of opportunities that are arising, prana that is flowing and all that is cooking in my yogic life.  Do you ever have those moments where you think, “I am doing exactly what I should be at this very moment?”  Well today is one of those days for me.  Let me break it down for you:

My eldest is getting over strep throat and thus I squared away a sub for my class today just in case he was not feeling 100% today and needed to stay home. I have used this opportunity to regroup and come back to some things I have set aside for months.  Putting my family, my students, my friends and everyone else ahead of my own needs is something I frequently do. Perhaps you can commiserate?  Many of us, including yoga teachers are givers and so often we reach deep into our wells of self and share it with our students, leaving these internal resources tapped.

I managed to use my time to get the ball rolling on some things I had been putting on the back burner for months, to treat myself a bit to a latte and to get back to taking care of myself.  Don’t worry though, I get to teach the rest of the week, and to those students, in particular, in a couple of days.  Lucky them,  I’ll be returning with some renewed energy.

I have been thinking a lot about how as a yoga teacher we hold space for our students and how this gift can be really draining on our own energy reserves.  In my 200H we talked about having a “ritual” to cleanse ourselves of the energy given off by our students so it would not become part of who we are.  The joy of teaching yoga is so huge for me that I rarely feel the drain that comes from this process of energy transfer and then it builds up and slowly creeps into my being.  I think of it sort of like when you rub your feet on the carpet and then transfer that built up electricity to your pal with a small shock from your finger.  The transfer may be simple and unknowing (did you KNOW you carried that electric charge when you touched them?) but it can be kind of intense.  When you teach yoga you are often the recipient of the little shocks from the fingertips of your students whether they know it or not, and you need to find a way to ground that energy.  If I am not practicing this energy cleansing in some fashion then I slowly take on the energy of my students.  One of the best ways for me to recharge from teaching so much is taking time to focus on my own energetic needs.

A river requires banks as well as flowing water. – Judith Hansen Lasater

I realize how woo-woo and out there this may sound, but anyone who teaches in any forum can appreciate what I am describing.  Imagine the emotions and stories that are carried within our bodies and then are released through yoga and you are  the person who suggested the student go there in the first place.  The amount that can be shared is pretty darn big even if the student is in the back corner of a filled studio and the teacher is at the front of the room.  Energy transfer is no kids’ play, dear readers, it is serious stuff.  We all need to find a way to remove what is shared by others and make more space for our own energy reserves. Creating, protecting and cleansing our energetic barriers are practices we all should be employing in some fashion.

I am so thankful I was able to get a sub today and that my time can be spent focusing a bit on myself.  For the first time in many moons I am putting myself first, and revelling in the gifts that is bringing to me.  I am using my filled tank to fuel some great stuff, stoke the fires that I’m starting in my career and refill my energy well.  My students may miss me today, but guarantee what I’m bringing to their mats later this week will rock their socks.  I am so pumped and energized to teach!

I love the charge that comes from all I am doing for ME, and it is about time. I love that the energy I am feeling today is a direct result of what I am doing and not what I have been given from someone else.   I love my job, my students, my readers and my opportunities.

Things are cooking, dear readers, and the feel is purely electric!

*** I’d love to know how other yoga teachers deal with energy transfer from their students.  Do you have tips to share?******

#365yoga: Day 100 Muscles

I’m taking a few moments out of the craziness of life to flex my mental muscle and write a quickie blog post.  My folks are visiting from Canada and my eldest is finally starting to feel better after a bout with strep throat.  I have had virtually no time to move and yoga in the last 48 hours.

But guess what:  reality taking over my practice has been a good thing.  My left hamstring has been screaming at me since I slipped while demonstrating Virabhadrasana II because there was water on the floor of the gym where I was teaching.  I nearly went from Warrior II into Hanumanasana and instantly felt the pain that was to only get worse.  (Oh and to answer the obvious questions: YES everyone was watching me demo, sort of embarassing and it was 5 months ago) Let me tell you, dear readers, how fortunate I am that yoga is a life choice for me because I was able to continue on with teaching, and practicing daily despite the tear/damage/pull.  While I was pretty careful to practice ahimsa and bend my knees and not over stretch that sore hamstring, it has never ceased to bother me. This past week in fact it has been the most sore yet.

So again, life interferes with my time on the mat, but today I am appreciating it.  My leg feels immensely better than it did Friday night and I have had a lovely time hanging with the family.  I have not missed my yoga because this weekend my yoga was being with my parents, my kids and NOT over stretching my very sore hamstring.

Yes, I want muscles, but I want ones that are happy and healthy.  My hamstrings are singing with Diana Ross today, and my heart is singing with my crew.

May the end of weekend find YOUR muscles in a better place than they started it.  Know my left hamstring is sending you some love.

p.s. I am so excited that on day 100 I will be getting my 1000th comment.  Thanks for everything you amazing readers!!

#365yoga: Day 99 The Sound

Happy Saturday fair readers… I have a confession to make:  last night in a yoga workshop I might have moaned just a tiny bit. I should preface the story behind said sound by saying that something that drives me crazy in a yoga class or in a workshop is when you are next to a person making the noises akin to ones you might hear through the walls of a cheap motel. Yes, I get it, sometimes yoga feels very very good, but do you really have to let your neighbor and the teacher know it with verbal expulsions? In my experience too, I have found that the cuter the teacher the more the males (if it’s a female teacher) and the females (if it’s a male teacher) grunt and groan.  I am sure that last comment will get me some haters and negative comments, but sorry my little survey of yoga workshops/classes has shown this trend to be true 99% of the time.

Alright, so like the Old Spice guy says, “back to me.”  You can imagine after my above rant that I was quite astonished to find myself a member of  the ooh and ahh club.  Last night I took an amazing “Sensational Shoulders” workshop by my equally amazing friend Christine.  Christine who trained with and assists Jill Miller of Yoga Tune Up© brought some of her incredible skills to our small studio and literally blew my mind.  We opened up spaces in our shoulders, backs and necks that none of knew were closed.  The deep fascia and muscular release left us feeling warm and lighter and well, a tiny bit sore.  After two hours we only did one traditional yoga pose, Adho Mukha Svanasana, and it felt like the easiest one I had ever held.  I learned a new awareness of my body and how we trap stress and patterns in it.  This was mind-blowing stuff, readers.  I am still trying to process how my upper body has changed in just two hours!

We spent a lot of time working with, rolling around on and utilizing the Yoga Tune Up© therapy balls.  These soft , rubbery and squishy little gems felt like huge boulders under my occipital ridge, rhomboids and scapulae.  HOLY BALLS BATMAN!  But here’s the thing dear readers: this hurt was the good kind of hurt.  Rolling around on the therapy balls was like wiggling a loose tooth or getting a sunburn, just a little bit of tenderness and you want it to last.  Herein is where I found myself along with the other participants moaning and groaning as I moved my upper body over these rubber stones.  In between my “oohs” and “aahs” were “wows” and “ows.”  This silent yogi was suddenly a vocal one.  Cue the red cheeks!

So for all those yogis who in the past I may have given an internal hairy eyeball after they interrupted my practice with their groaning and cooing, I am sending you a virtual “I’ll have what you’re having and I’m sorry.”

The sound of my yoga was released along with the myofascia of my upper body.  Who’d a thunk it?

#365yoga: Day 98 Join Together

Why is it you take classes at a studio or at a gym?  If you can have a teacher come to you privately for a class or watch a video of a class (if you need guidance), why is it you prefer to do it at a studio?  My new community of yoga teachers that are participating in the 90 Minutes 101 webinar series and the suggestions of Amy Ippoliti have been making me really think about where and why I teach and take classes.  So I’m asking you, my readers why it is that you love to take yoga with a group?  Share with me the reasons that you find yoga with your fellow compatriots changes your personal practice.

For me taking classes at a studio comes down to one word: community. Today I taught two classes, both were small and both felt like families.  The students in each had ease and openness with me and with each other.  These students regularly take my classes and regularly take classes together.  So because of that, we were able to talk and share, giggle and hold some space for each other.  I love watching my students communicate about each other’s successes and challenges.  Students often chime in when another shares concerns or trials.  In a class we have a supportive community that can grow together and learn together.  Our practices become sort of communal while still each yogi continues to grow individually.

Teachers love to see their students returning to the same classes.  Returning to practice with the same teacher is a great way to watch your yoga grow and to get some attention to your personal limitations/achievements.  It is also a fantastic way to connect with students who like the same style/approach to yoga.  For teachers, a community of students fuels a return of regular students to the same classes.  Students love to connect with their fellow yogis and teachers love to see this happening.

The community of yogis that support you as a fellow student or as a teacher are the gift of practicing in a studio or a gym.  For me the way we join together in breath, stillness, movement and smiles is why I teach group yoga classes and why I attend them.

Joining together in a band of yogis:  a community, a sangha and a family.

What brings you to a studio, class or a particular teacher?  What is it about your fellow yogis and practicing with them that you get and enhances your practice?   As you are part of MY community, tell my what is it about being here, and there that keeps you coming back.

#365yoga: Day 97 Wide Open Spaces

I had a great blog post planned for today, all about why I came to yoga, what it means to me and why I share it with my students.  I was going to tell you that in the beginning I just wanted to find something that created space for myself.  With two little elves I felt like unless I was alone in the shower I never had space that was my own.  As soon as I got on my yoga mat I could turn off my phone, stretch and breathe in a way that no one else could share.  Sure, I did it primarily in a studio where there were fellow yogis, but no one ever asked to sit on my lap, wear my shirts or make the mat their own for gymnastics.  It was in a phrase: a wide open space.

Later I discovered that within my body were spaces and openings I did not know existed.  I was able to move and breathe in a way that was only possible before having the elves.  Slowly but surely this practice of moving and breathing was allowing me to re-establish who I was as a PERSON and not as a wife or mother.  These wide open spaces brought back the “Nancy” in me.  I have never looked back for a moment after reclaiming what was originally mine.  Now I work on sharing that wonderous expanse with my students as well.

How ironic that as I sit down to type this shorter less poetic post I am festering over an issue with one of my elves.  You see my eldest had a “scuffle” with a friend on the bus today and got called into the principal’s office.  That poor woman had to share HER space with my tough as nails 7-year-old and try to pry the story out of his exquisitely smart noggin.  Finally some resolution came to play and I am now going to get him and drive him to/from school for the next couple of days.  Some moments of my “Nancy” space were taken up by the “mom” in me.  I am no longer able to write the post I wanted, listen live to the webinar series by Amy Ippoliti I’m participating in, and not able to coordinate a private yoga session with a fellow teacher.  My space for the rest of the day is shared by an elf.

While I’m not happy with the reason for him stepping on to my proverbial mat, I am of course happy to play the role of mom.  So rather than share with you the long ins and outs of expansion and growth I feel from yoga, I’ll share with you a word we wrote in the dirt before his fateful bus trip.

Sometimes you have a moment of space you did not even realize would be the one quiet one you have all day.  I love how yoga reminds me to cherish them even after the fact.

 

#365yoga: Day 96 Rain

At the bus stop this morning the elves and a friend were squealing with delight at finding some tiny earthworms.  That joy of digging through the leaves, transporting the squirmy creatures to a moist nook under a rock and giving them each a name (“This one is Henry, this one is Livia…”) was so magical.  Earthworms showing up is a wonderful sign spring is here as the ground has finally thawed enough for them to dig to the surface.  It was one of those carefree childhood moments that I had to capture on film. Of course, as you dear readers can imagine, I found a tiny nugget of yoga within the palm of my elf’s hand, right next to “Nina” the worm.

On Monday I was part of a conversation about the place that “pain” takes in our yoga practice with some of my cyber sangha crew including my wise friend Sarah Kohl.  Some tweeters were questioning whether it was ok to feel some pain after practicing yoga.  My instant response was a big ole’ NO WAY JOSE’ !  Yes, opening up new spaces in your body and your muscles can leave you with some sensations and perhaps some soreness after a juicy class, but feeling pain should never occur.  A common phrase used by some yoga teachers, that is a real bugaboo for me, is “come to your edge and then go a little deeper.” Readers, there is a reason it is called your “edge,” it is the place where your flexibility or strength finds a wall and pushing past that is a fast ticket to the pain train. Unless that is a ride you are psyched to hop on, I say come to your edge and back off a breath or two.  My students hear this mantra from me daily, I remind myself of it and here I am reminding you as well:  yoga is about letting go, opening up and release.  Yoga is not about pushing yourself to a place where you need to see a massage therapist or a doctor to recover.  Period. If you find yourself being encouraged to move to a place of extreme discomfort or regularly getting hurt in a yoga class then it is time to look for a new teacher or to look inside at the way you are approaching your yoga practice.

Those tiny worms my elves relocated and so lovingly named this morning are akin to the yogi that pushes past their edge to a point of pain.  When it rains the worms come out into the road (not because the ground is flooded, contrary to popular belief) but to soak up that wet goodness coming from the sky.  They overindulge in the sensation and often find themselves later in the day exposed to sun.  Rather than being deliciously wet and wiggly they are a crispy treat for the passing birds.

Yogis too need to watch out for craving spaces our body is not ready to inhabit.  Pushing yourself to have your heels down in Adho Mukha Svanasana or your chin to your legs in Paschimottanasana may feel like a refreshing rain shower at the moment.  However if you are in pain the next day commit to backing off when the urge next presents itself.  Allow yourself to surrender into the EASE of your yoga rather than the EDGE of your yoga.

If I could remind the worms to get misty and go home I would, however my voice only resonates with the yogis.

Rock out in the rain, but stay away from the pain. – Nancy’s 24/7 Mantra for you